Losing someone you are close to is a devastating experience and one that changes the way you live your daily life. And as much as your family and friends are there to support you socially and emotionally, ultimately, you must find your own. If you have given yourself time to grieve but realize that your current home keeps you from moving further along in the process, a change of scenery can help you over the hurdles.
When Moving Makes Sense
Moving is not a cure for grief. It will not remove the memory of your loved one. However, the first morning in a new home is a page turned to a new chapter in your story.
Finding a new place to live might be a good idea if:
- You can afford the expenses associated with moving.
- You are not trying to avoid feelings of loss but are ready to move forward.
- You cannot afford your current home without a second income.
- You are ready to go through your loved one’s belongings and to let some things go.
There are many expenses that you have to factor into your moving budget. According to Bankrate, these include transportation, the cost of living, and other purchase-related expenses. You will also need to look at what it will cost to get your own home ready to put on the market. Small home repairs, marketing, and realtor fees (realtors usually take 6 percent as commission) can easily add up to thousands of dollars. Even small expenses, such as having a cleaning service come in to perform a move-out cleaning can quickly add up if you don’t plan and budget ahead of time. According to Redfin, it’s also incredibly important to pay attention to closing costs, which can range between 2 percent and 5 percent of the purchase price.
On the flip side, if you cannot afford your current home, it may be necessary to move regardless of your cash flow. So, sit down and look at your finances. Calculate life insurance you’ve collected, your current income, and savings, but also don’t forget about other sources of cash, including employer-sponsored insurance policies and your children’s college savings, if necessary. Although you may feel guilty if you have to dip into their education fund, keep in mind that they will have the option of taking out student loans when the time comes, and your responsibility is to their safety and welfare today.
Grief is a complicated emotion, and it’s one that the Mayo Clinic stresses vary from person to person. Unfortunately, it is one that we have to learn to manage before making any major changes to our life. Before planning a move, have a heart-to-heart with yourself. Look at your intentions. If you are moving to escape, you should know that you cannot run from the pain. What you can do, however, is learn to work through it.
Before speaking with a realtor, spend an afternoon or two going to your loved one’s belongings. If you move, you will most likely not take everything with you. Pay attention to how you feel as you sort through their clothing, collections, and other personal items. When you realize that you can let these items go, you will be one step closer to starting your new life. One thing that many people find helpful is to donate their loved one’s things to a charity in their honor. You may find comfort in knowing that a child’s toys, for example, will no longer sit in an empty room.
Help Along the Way
No matter when or where you decide to move, or how long it takes to give yourself permission to go, there are resources that can help you along the way. Your family and friends, church congregation, therapist, and realtor are all in your corner, and they can offer everything from advice to a strong back as you make this transition. If you don’t have a strong support group in your area, there are online bereavement programs that can provide the assistance you need.
Grieving is not easy, and moving can be even harder. However, saying goodbye to where you were is sometimes the best way to accept where you are and get to where you are going.
Image via Pixabay
Lucille Rosetti is a guest contributor who writes about grief and loss at The Bereaved. Her latest book is Life After Death: A Wellness Guide for the Bereaved.